Strangest e-mail thread you've been in with coworkers

Knows the Score on 2007-09-12 13:35:28
The Comptroller at a former job was VERY racist and Homophobic. Jokes in which gays experienced violent, painful deaths were part of her common fodder and her reaction upon learning of a Lesbian employee was to do her best to get the woman fired for one infraction or another.

She also kept up to date on all her personal e-mail while at the office. One thing she did was maintain a mailing list for a group of her friends. They had an informal "investment group" and she was always bragging about how much money the group supposedly made trading stocks.

One day, she forwarded half the company one of these investment groups e-mails, asking if anyone could tell why all her fiends on the mailing list would suddenly stop talking to her over the content.

The e-mail was full of pink triangles, rainbows and a laundry list of colorful Gay Pride imagery. I hit "reply" and explained the meanings of the images she´d used and how it looked like a colorful Gay Pride newsletter.

The resulting exchange played out over three days, as she insisted I was pulling her leg and MUST be lying to her. She also insisted that she´d used the clipart because she "thought it was pretty."

Finally one of the fiends from her mailing list agreed to talk to her and explained how furious they were over all the "Faggy pictures" in the e-mail. It seems the Comptroller was the most tolerant member of her peer group and they took a dim view of what they considered advocating Gay Rights.

She managed to convince MOST the people on the list that she hadn´t know what the imagery meant, but it took a few weeks. She never did answer my question about WHERE she´d seen the clipart to begin with.

She insisted on calling me the "Gay Culture Expert" for the remainder of my time there. Apparently she found my understanding of pink triangles to be a highly suspect piece of information.

A man who can spell check on 2007-09-12 13:15:49
One of my coworkers tried to use e-mail to convince his friends and family that he was given a recess monkey for Christmas.

I never corrected his spelling.

DoubleM on 2007-09-12 10:59:49
There was an e-mail exchange at work over one of our servers running slow. Wise ass replies started going between IT and Sales as the amateurs each tried to one up the others with the raw snarkiness of the replies.

Below is the e-mail that ended the thread and caused one of the sales guys (The smart one we like no less) to give me a standing ovation:

No, no, no.

The flux capacitor has achieved bandwidth saturation because of the half
duplex session scope variable locking queries used by *Product name deleted* when
they created the non-cached Cold Fusion pages that collect localization
text from the database on each page load.

This is further exacerbated by the inefficient code used to process
assessment and user access parameters, including but not limited to
frivolous session variable locking, blind SQL writes, returning of all
columns in the table when not all of them are used and scanning of
larger tables when the same data can be accessed from smaller tables
with fewer rows.

The database design itself includes data stored redundantly instead of a
normalized database, identity columns enforced in code instead of
the database level and a complete lack of normalization or data linking
in the database. There are no scrubbing procedures to remove temporary
session data that isn´t being purged, and the product shipped with no
table indexes! No relationships were established between any of the
tables! I mean, my God!

As a result, the rudimentary memory allocation capabilities of the Cold
Fusion language are overwhelmed, resulting in an unrecoverable cascading
reaction causing the total SQL Server utilization to reach a critical
100% at idle. This increase in idle utilization is coupled with a
decrease in data throughput until the usage of the total processing
capabilities of the SQL Server itself reach 100%, while the data being
returned reaches 0.

Recycling the Cold Fusion Services is only a stop gap measure that
purges all session data, thus ejecting all students from the system!

*Breathe*

The scary thing is, if you replace "Flux Capacitor" with "Database
Server" and remove the line "Half Duplex" it´s an accurate, if
incomplete, description of what´s causing the problem.


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